


Cling to me (and think of better moments)

by Late_Dawns_And_Early_Sunsets



Category: Joywave (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Late Night Conversations, Love, Mental Health Issues, implied suicidal thoughts, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 17:20:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29844852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Late_Dawns_And_Early_Sunsets/pseuds/Late_Dawns_And_Early_Sunsets
Summary: Anna wakes up during night and Dan's side of the bed is still cold. She finds him in the living room, reading the news on his phone. He's spiraling and can't help the thoughts that grow when everything feels hopeless. She helps him through it.
Relationships: Daniel Armbruster/ Original Female Characters
Collections: Band Oneshots





	Cling to me (and think of better moments)

**Author's Note:**

> This is heavily based on the new song Better Moments by Best Frenz. If you haven't listened to it, I highly suggest you do, it's so good:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rfOI8hoyI8
> 
> This is mostly a vent/song fic and touches on suicidal thoughts, but it's never flat out mentioned. Just a warning for depression and anxiety as well because those play a large roll in here. Read with caution <3

(Anna's POV)  
\-----  
I roll over in bed and sigh, rubbing the restlessness out of my eyes slowly. The other side is still cold even as it grows earlier in the morning. I turn my head slightly to check the clock on his nightstand, shocked to see that it’s now 3:45 am. Concern settles itself in my stomach and takes hold of me as I sit up in the otherwise empty room. I stand up and head over to the door, quickly making my way through the hall to the living room. I turn the corner and see the back of his head immediately, the only light in the room coming from his phone. 

“Dan?” I ask softly. I draw closer to him and then stand in front of him. He looks up briefly, but looks back at his phone quickly. “Sweetie, it’s almost four in the morning. Are you alright?” 

He doesn’t move or answer, only keeps looking down at his phone screen. It doesn’t matter because I got the answer I needed. His eyes are glued to the screen with a terrified look, but the rest of his face looks so tired. Dark bags have taken their place under his eyes, usually hidden by his glasses and his shoulders are hunched over in defeat. 

“Daniel, love, I’m gonna sit down beside you now, ok? If you need me to move, tell me and I’ll get up.” I don’t wait for a response to sit down and touch his knee with my own. “Can you look at me?” 

His phone screen goes dimmer in his hand, but he doesn't tap it like I expect him to. Instead, he clicks it off and places it on the coffee table in front of us. I raise myself to my knees and turn to face him, but he remains still. I reach forward and take his hand in mine. Slowly, I bring it to my lips and kiss his knuckles, hoping to help bring him back from wherever he was. 

“Can I come closer?” He nods slowly and doesn’t tense up when I place my hand on his shoulder. I move forward and press my side to his, letting his arm wrap around me as I pull him closer. He sets his head on my shoulder then releases a shaky breath and curls himself around me. I feel his arms snake around my waist where they hold tightly like his life depends on it. “Hey, I’m right here honey. Can you tell me what’s going on?” 

“It’s getting worse. It’s all getting worse and it won’t stop,” He mumbles against my skin. His breath tickles my neck, causing me to shiver slightly. If this were any other time, I'd probably giggle, but he buries his face in my neck and pulls me tighter against him, causing my heart to fall into the pit of my stomach. I move my hand to his head and work my fingers into his hair, pressing lightly against his scalp. I turn my face and kiss his head, letting him trap me against him. “I can’t do it.”

“Can’t do what, love?” I keep moving my fingers, now lightly scratching my nails along his scalp.

“Keep going. There isn’t a point. It doesn’t matter anymore, none of it.” I feel my breath hitch and catch in my throat as what he said registers in my mind. I squeeze him tighter to me almost like I’m trying to protect him from himself. He sighs in my arms, but takes in a shallow breath to make up for it. His breathing is picking up in pace, so I loosen my grip on him slightly, but I don’t let go completely. I hold loosely so he knows that there’s enough room to breath. 

“Here, let’s go to bed, ok? We don’t have to sleep, just come lay down with me,” I murmur into his hair. He nods and reluctantly lets me let go of him only to reattach himself to me when we both stand up. I guide him into the bedroom and leave his phone behind on the coffee table for now. The darkness around us makes it more difficult to avoid corners, but we make it into the bedroom in one piece, surprisingly. “Alright. Here we go, honey. Just lay down, I’ll be right back.” 

He nods and goes around the bed to lay under the blankets while I head back out to the kitchen. I flip on a lamp in the hallway when I pass it, then turn on the kitchen light. I fill up a cup with water and set it down on the counter while I search for a candle and some matches. I find them over on the coffee table in the living room, so I grab them and bring them with me when I start walking back to the bedroom. I have half a mind to take the small light in the hallway with me, but I leave it right outside the bedroom door. I light the candle and let the flame add to the illumination of the dark room. I look over at the bed after setting the candle on the nightstand and find him curled up near the center under all the covers. With the pillows and blankets, it looks like he’s not there, but his shallow breaths that move the blankets give him away. 

“Ok, now there’s at least a little bit of light for us. Is that ok?” He nods and curls further in on himself under the blankets. “I brought some water and I’m gonna sit on the nightstand over here. Just tell me if you want it, ok?” 

Another nod. Now I know it’s bad. I slowly move closer to the bed and pull back the blankets on my side. I slip in beside him and lay on my side to face him, letting my eyes meet his with warmth and patience. I place my hand on his cheek, but he looks so far away from me. I can see the fear and hopelessness written all over his face and feel my heart drop a little more. 

“I can’t keep lying to myself. I’m tired of trying to convince myself that all of it will be ok when it won’t.” His voice is soft and broken, but his face now holds a neutral expression. I can’t tell which scares me more. I run my hand over his forehead and down the side of his face, stopping when my fingers reach his chin. 

“Come here,” I whisper. I pull him close to my chest, meeting very little resistance as he sets his head on my chest and wraps his limbs around me. My hand finds his hair again and I press my face into him to keep him close. “Dan, please listen to me and trust me when I say that it’ll be worth it to stay. I know that it all feels overwhelming and meaningless, but it'll get better. It may not be tomorrow and it may not be the next day, but it will get better. I'll be right here with you. I'm not going anywhere, love." 

He nods and moves closer to me, so I shift to lay on my back. He sets his head on my chest, wrapping his right arm around my torso as his left hand goes behind my neck to my shoulder. I place my arm around him and let my left hand thread through his hair again. He sighs and leans into me when I kiss his head, my fingers running down the side of his jaw to push his hair away from his face. He nestles himself into me, but his body still feels stiff against me. I let my fingers brush down the back of his neck and I feel him shiver slightly in response. 

“I’ve got you. I’m not gonna let anything happen to you, honey,” I murmur as gently as I can manage to keep the quietness in the room. His shoulders fall slightly even as he’s laying down and he takes in shaky breaths only to release them quickly. I can tell he wants to relax, but can’t find it in himself to. “I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” 

"I'm sorry," he says quietly against me. I tense slightly, halting the movement of my hand in his hair for only a second. The tone of despair in his voice is like a stab to the chest because it truly sounds like he feels guilty for feeling like this. I take the hand on my chest in mine and squeeze it gently before kissing it and lacing our fingers together.

"Hey, none of that sweetie. You don’t have to apologize for anything, ok? You can’t control your thoughts or how you feel.” I know he’s going to try and argue, but I press a few more kisses to his hair. “Shh, it's gonna be alright. Just let yourself relax for me, ok? I love you so much Daniel, just try to let go and relax. You don’t have to worry about anything else tonight, love.” 

He doesn’t say anything, just squeezes my hand. He still feels tense against me, almost like he’s afraid to let his guard down, but I’m going to do my best to help. I let my hand drift down the back of his neck and over his shoulder, skimming over the light t-shirt sleeves as I hold him close. 

“I have an idea. Let me up real quick, ok?” He’s reluctant at first, but I look into his eyes with as much care as I can manage in one glance. “I’m not leaving, I’m just gonna open the window and let some cool air in. The noises from outside should help you as well. I’m gonna lay right back down, I promise.” 

His hands release me, but his pleading eyes follow me as I stand up beside the bed. I lean forward and cup his jaw in my hand and run my thumb over his cheekbone. I kiss his head before turning to the window across the room. I pull back the curtains and blinds, carefully unlock the bottom pane, then raise it up halfway. The room is immediately filled by a cool breeze that wraps around me. I make my way back to the bed and crawl back under the covers next to him.

“How’s that?” I ask as he moves into the same position from earlier. 

“It’s good,” He replies. I pull the blanket up further, wrapping my arm around his body to pull him as close to me as physically possible. He presses his face into my neck and breathes in deeply. Just as I expected, noises from outside roll in quietly, bringing a sense of calmness back into the room. “I love you.” 

It’s almost too soft for me to hear, but his lips formed the words against my neck, meaning I felt them more than heard them. 

“I love you too,” I reply with a smile. “I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going to let anything hurt you, so you can relax. You’re safe here.” 

I continue whispering little promises and ‘I love you’s into his hair, punctuating each of them with a kiss until I feel his breathing slow significantly and even out. By now, the sky is beginning to turn pink with the new day and the gentle breeze outside has turned into the makings of a harsh wind. I can’t help but sigh exhaustedly, the night catching up to me as I let my fingers in his hair still. His head moves away from my shoulder, but not a lot, opting to rest on my chest again instead. His arm around my waist loosens slightly, so I shift a bit to get more comfortable. I kiss his head again and my hand drifts lower, coming to rest just above the small of his back as I pull the blankets tighter around myself. I didn’t think he’d actually get any sleep, but here we are at 6:45 in the morning, sun barely peeking over the horizon, and only one of us awake. 

“Even though you’re asleep, I’m going to hope some part of your subconscious will hear this because I’m not sure I have it in me to stay awake long enough to repeat it. I need you to know how much I love you, Dan. No matter how tough it gets to keep going, I’ll be right by your side. I don’t care if it’s early on or right at the breaking point, you can always talk to me and I'll listen. You don't have to go through it alone. Anytime, day or night. I don’t care if it's at two in the afternoon, if you need me, I’ll be there."

He pulls me close again, stirring slightly. He mumbles something before pressing his forehead against my neck and melting into my grip. The room around us gets brighter as the night stretches into day, but nothing beyond the bed matters. It's just white noise and cool air as he finally gets a little bit of peace. And for the first time in weeks, he doesn't look as scared or hopeless. As my fingertips move to caress every small detail of his face, everything is calm and it's truly just the two of us. 

"I love you. Just sleep now, I'm not going anywhere darling."


End file.
